Well I was driving to work the other day and a memory flashed before my eyes as I began thinking of my trip back to South Africa in 3 weeks  (I was still looking at the road though :-).  I remembered the last time I drove from my neighborhood to the airport to immigrate to America (we where staying at a friends house near where we used to live).  I really have not thought about that time for many years now, not since my last trip back 7 years ago.  As we drove to the aiport with only our suitcases, we had packed up most of our belongings and shipped them ahead of us.  Our things where only expected to arrive in the US in 2-3 months.  A long boat trip and then a drive Across America was the path our belongings where going to follow.  I felt empty and lost without most of my belongings and no home. 

 

On the drive I looked out the window as we left the neighborhood I had lived in for the past few years.  I saw the houses wizz buy.  The house where my friend had lived.  The spot on the road where I fell off my bike and scraped my knee.  The grassy field just outside the neighborhood that I had driven by almost every day of my life, but I did not know when I would see it again.  There where mutterings about a possible civil war in the near future with rival tribes fighting to take power, although it was generally believed no one would challenge Mandela for the presidency if he ran.  Nobody knew what would happen in South Africa in the next few years.  Being so young I also did not know when I would make it back to visit or possibly live in South Africa again.  At fourteen time still feels like an eternity and I was to young to travel alone.  Also while setting up in America I knew my family would not have money to travel, so I knew I would not see South Africa again for many years. 

 

As I looked out the window of the car I couldn't cry, I did not let myself cry much in those days.  Also I was still in shock that I was leaving, it just didn't feel like I would not live here anymore.  It is very difficult to describe how it feels when you leave everything you have known behind. 

 

Now I can look back and say my situation was so much better than most people who have to move.  I was not a refugee.  I was able to take my belongings.  We where not tortured or harassed, and we had an easy time leaving legally, by plane.  At this point in time I can really appreciate how easy our moving was compared to some people.  But at that time all that I could think of was everything I was leaving behind.

 

I worked thoughout high school to save up money, so when I was 19 I managed to go back for the first time.  I was very happy that I went back at that time.  Until then I really yearned for South Africa and missed it very much.  I would have nightmares about the house I had lived in.  I dreamed I went back to visit and I was walking through a library and the librarian would point to a stack of books and say "that was your house over there".  Or I would be driving around in an unfamiliar area looking for my house and not able to find it, the panic rising as I drove by where it should have been.  But after I visited in 1999 I came back to San Diego feeling at peace for the first time in a long time.  I felt as though I had put my yearning behind me in some way.  By going back in 1999 I realized that life had gone on, things had changed.  My friends where happy and had good lives (and we did keep in contact via email).  I was finally able to say, although I will never truly feel or be American, I don't really belong in South Africa anymore either.  I was able to admit to myself that I had a good life in San Diego, and I was happy to come home.

 

So now as I think back to that time, and the years that have passed.  Some of the yearning has returned and the so have the memories of being a scared child, who didn't know that everything would be okay.  It does give me comfort to remember that I am happy here now.  I know that I can visit family, and see the places I used to play as a child.  And then return to my friends here and my usually pleasant job.  Still the thought of returning brings up a mix of different emotions.  And in the end I have to remind myself.  I am lucky that I can return to the country I moved from.  I am lucky that it is a stable country that is relatively safe.  I am lucky that the places I used to play are still standing and they haven't been bombed and burned.  And in the end I just feel lucky.                 

So I won't go into the fact that it is Friday the 13th and on top of that a full moon today.  Things generally get very crazy around the hospital on full moons.  Maybe it is the double wammy, but we really don't have any insane cases right now.

 

But I will get back to the real content of this blog and tell you a funny story from this weekend.  My mom and I went to visit my Grandmother in the physicial rehab center.  Now my grandmother is a very stubborn lady who has done yoga and gone for a walk for the past 50 years, so of course she is doing well and pushing hard to get back on her feet.  She is a very proper 'lady' who grew up in South Africa during the British colonial days.  She always sits up straight with good posture and *always* behaves like a lady.

 

We were sitting around the communal table where the residents of my grandmother's wing eat their meals and a nurse wheeled up an attractive looking elderly gentleman in a wheelchair.  Most of the residents in this physical rehab are wheelchair bound and in thier late 70's or older.  Some of them are not completely with it and they float in and out of confusion because of dimensia or other issues.  Well this nice old man introduced himself to my mother and I, and started asking questions about where we are from and other general questions.  What a nice gentleman and what a nice first impression he presented.  He apparently grew up in the Philipines and was in the navy for many years.  He definately seemed to be coherent and very well mannered.  So the next comment absolutely blew me away.  He turned to my grandmother (who clearly looks to be in her 80s) and says "well you look like you'll mike a fine recuit to the navy."  From out of the blue.  My mom who is standing next to my grandmother (but half hidden by a pillar) starts turning bright red as she bights down on her lip in an attempt to stop herself from laughing out loud.  I was controlling myself better, but when I looked over to my mom and saw her reaction I had to try very hard not to burst into a fit of laughter.  My grandmother on the other hand with her general air of politness looked around briefly (to make sure she isn't in a naval recruit depot), looks down at her gown (which is dark blue) and says "Oh because I am wearing blue?". 

 

At this point another man is wheeled up to the table (it was near dinnertime).  The two men started chatting and it turns out this other man used to be in the airforce.  I guess in the older generation of Americans everyone had to serve in the armed forces.  So the men chatted a little about the places they've been and the battles they've seen.  It was near time for dinner (and for my mom and I to go home).  As we where picking up and saying goodbye to my granny we overheard the original old man ask the new man "So what time is your boat leaving tomorrow".  And that was it we quickly kissed my grandmother goodbye, scuttle out the door and burst out laughing (as soon as we where out of hearing range).  The poor sweet old man hopefully didn't hear us howling on the way to the car. 

 

It is so sad as the elderly start to loose their memory and get confused about where they are in time.  I just hope this man's family appreciates him for the gem that he is.      

Unlike my last entry - where I was looking back a little, I will now look forward to the coming year.

 

I want to set some goals for myself and remind myself what I have to look forward to this year.

 

I will start with opportunities in Travel (my favorite thing).  I am really looking foward to going back to South Africa with my mom this February (we are leaving the 6th).  I will try to keep my blog while I am there and update everyone on my trip.  I haven't been back in 7 years,and I can't wait to see family and the country of course.  Then near the end of summer friends of mine where thinkin of going to Thailand.  I don't know if I will have the time or the money, but I really want to go.  So I'll see if I can make it (I also want to go to Cambodia - but I don't know that I can combine the 2 or convince my friends to combine the trips).  Other than that I want to go camping locally (as always).  We have such beautiful parks and deserts near San Diego.  My favorite is Joshua Tree National park http://www.nps.gov/jotr/, and of course there is always Anzo Borrego http://www.americansouthwest.net/california/anza_borrego_desert/state_park.html. 

 

As far as family and relationships.  I don't know how much detail I have gone into, but my dad is a little looney.  He is on government aid for mental disability and he is way out there.  Still I love him, and even though he can be difficult I want to try see him more this year.  Also my Granny is now in physical Rehab and a little looney herself.  She is doing much better, and I love spending time with her.  I want to do more of that this year.  Lastly on the relationship end.  I have a friend who I play softball and hike with.  I have known he has liked me for a few months and we also chat when we play/hike.  So finally he asked me out.  Our first date was posponed by the holidays (he went home to New Jersey to visit his family), and then returned with persistent cold. So when he finally is well we'll see where we go from there.  It is always fun to see where things go.

 

Professionally I am still young and growing in my job.  I can't say I'll be any good at it any time soon.  But I am one of those annoying people who likes there job (most of the time).  And I want to keep on growing as a professional and getting better at it.

 

Lastly I am going to set myself some goals (broad ones though - I don't really get into specifics for new years resolutions).  I want to be more fun.  Now I'm not saying that I am a boring/dry person.  But I believe humor is important and keeping a light heart helps you stay younger (a good laugh must add at least 5 minutes to your life).  I want to finally swim in a race called the La Jolla Rough Water swim http://www.ljrws.com/  (Okay so this one is a specific goal).  But I have been meaning to swim it for years, and something always comes up -  but no this year.  Maybe I'll set one more general goal.  I'm not going to hope for a happy/good year, because I believe we need bad things to happen so that we can appreciate the good things.  But I do hope that no matter what happens, good and bad, I appreciate and grow from my experiences this year. 

 

I hope everyone has a prosperous and good year, filled with growth and exploration.  May we all come out of 2006 wiser (or more confused), and happier (or at least hoping for a better 2007).  

I like starting of the new year with a little self evaluation survey.

 

Name: Talya

single or takenSingle, well sort of (maybe not for long) 
gender:  Female

DOB: April 9, 1979
sign:Aries
siblings: one older sister
hair color: usually dark golden blonde, temporarily red
eye color: brown

height: 5'4''
who are your best friends?: Iliana and Dmitry

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No, but I'm in that beginning dating stage where we are figuring all these things out.
where is your favorite place to shop: Trader Joes (okay I know they mean clothing) but this store is fabulous, it has all these imported food and spices for very cheap prices.  I'm not a clothes shopping fanatic, but Nordstrom rack isn't to bad, great clothes at cheaper prices.

any tattoos or piercing: Other than my ears, nope.

do you do drugs: no
what kind of shampoo do you use: It changes every few weeks.

what are you most scared of?: My mom dying, and super tight closed spaces (in the dark).
what are you listening to right now?: silence.

who is the last person that called you?:  My friend Jeff. 

where do you want to get married?: In San Diego, either on the beach or in the mountains.
what would you change about yourself?: Mmm, I would like to procrastinate less (who wouldn't).  Also I would like to be less serious about certain things.  I respect people who remain young at heart and I hope I can achieve this as I get older.

FAVORITES

color: yellow (there is a long story behind this).
food: hm... First and foremost Thai food.  Otherwise, Sushi.
Favorite animals: Any animal.  I love animals.
sports: Swimming is my all time favore, I play softball (baseball), but I also love to watch a good game of Rugby. 
tv show: I don't watch a lot of TV.  I do like ER (still), sometimes I watch the new show Bones which is kind of intersting.
favorite actor/actress: Based on looks or acting skill ;-).  Actually I love Christian Bale, attractive and he can act.  As far as women Meryl Streep is one of my all time fabvorites.
genre of music: Alternative, but I'm pretty eclectic.
favorite band: Presently Frou Frou, but that will change in a few weeks.

HAVE YOU EVER

smoked?: nope (I hate the smell).
bungee jumped: no.
made yourself throw up?: never needed to.
skinny dipped?: A few memorable times (the islands of Greece are great for this purpose).
been in love?: Actually no, I don't take that term lightly. But when the time is right.
made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Not on purpose.
pictured your crush naked?: who hasn't
actually seen your crush naked?: yup
cried when someone died?: yes, but I'm not a histerical bawler
lied: okay honestly, who hasn't
fallen for your best friend?: nope.
been rejected?: unfortunately yes
rejected someone?: I guess what comes around goes around.
done something you regret?: I would say yes, but I guess I grew and changed from my regrets, so in the end it isn't so bad now.

LAST THING YOU

you touched: not including the comp? the telephone.
hugged: My cat

you yelled at: The car that cut me off.
you kissed: I kissed my granny on the cheek the other day ;-).

CHOICES

coke or pepsi: I don't care really.
flowers or candy: I like flowers, they are better planted or in a pot though so that they continue to grow.
gold or silver: silver, better still platnum.

WHO

makes you laugh the most: my uncle.
makes you smile: jeff
changed the most: me I think.
who do you have a crush on: No crushes right now (just pure two sided attraction)
who has a crush on you : Nobody that I know of, although you never know.
is easiest to talk to: My mom or Iliana

ME

I know: what i want in life.
I want: to enjoy my life and continue to grow as a person.
I have:  Been so lucky (and unlucky). 
I wonder: where I will be in 10 years.
I regret: That I allow myself to regret.
I love: Life.
What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?:  Probably there face definately there eyes (you can tell a lot from someones eyes). 

what was the last film you saw at the movies?: The Lion the Witch and the Waredrobe.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?: cereal
who would you love being locked in a room with: Yoda
could you live without your computer?: definately (I did until a few months ago).
would you color your hair?: I have for fun, but I really do like my natrual color.

Last Time You...

1.Really Smiled: When I was talking to my friend Jeff on the phone 2 days ago.
2. Laughed: Oh many times today (while chatting with the nurses).
3. Cried: While watching that stupid movie The Family Stone.
4. Bought something: yesterday (groceries).
5. Danced: Last Thursday I went swing dancing with Dima.
6. Were sarcastic: Maybe five minutes ago.
7. Kissed someone: Other than my cat on the head.
8. Watched your favorite movie: I don't really have a favorite, so I don't know.
9. Had a nightmare: I don't really remember my dreams, but the other night I know I was dreaming about work which is bad.
10. Were lulled to sleep by the thought of someone: Last night.

A Last Time For Everything...

1. Last book you read: The Five People you Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom 
2. Last song you heard: Mmm, I don't remember the name, it was on the radio. 
3. Last thing you had to drink: water
4. Last time you showered: this morning before work.

5. Last thing you ate: yogurt, a little while ago.

Do you wear a watch: nope, I hate knowing the time every five minutes.
2. How many coats and jackets do you own: at least 3 (and I live in Souther California- go figure).
3. Most expensive item of clothing: Mmm, I don't have antyhing that jumps out as pricy.
4. What kind of shoes do you wear: Mosty sports/hiking shoes.  Otherwise nice flats for work.

Friends

1.Do your friends 'know' you: Iliana does.
2. What do they tend to be like: fun, silly, intellectual, always positive and cracking jokes, but also thoughtful and analytical.
3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked: probably
4. Are there people that you tell everything to: Iliana 

Other

Favorite band ever: U2, I think
2. Most listened to band: U2 or Coldplay, maybe the Beatles.
3. Do you find any musicians good-looking: not per se.
4. Can you play an instrument: the recorder and the flute (not well though).
5. Type of music listened to: see above for answer.
6. Type never listened to: not much, maybe tribal music from Tibet.

Religion

Do you detest religion: no, just people who feel their religion is the only way to God.
2. How do you think this universe was formed:  A mix of God and natural forces.

3. If you currently follow a religion, do you think people who belong to another religion are ignorant: of course not.

Homosexuality

What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands: think "get a room" like i do with everyone else
2. Do you agree or disagree with gay or lesbians bringing up children: Somtimes these children's have a better home than a straight couple raising a child.

General Questions

Whom do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment: some big brain who received a nobel prize for physics one year.
2. What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day: sunny anyday (and warm), then a thunderstorm in the afternoon.
3. Do you consider yourself lucky: absoultely and unlucky.
4. Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide:  Just sad, obviously they lost all their hope.
5. Choose one word to describe how you feel most often: confused.

W R A T H

Who did you last get angry with?: angry? My sister (the purse incident).
02. What is your weapon of choice?: A gun, quick and precise.
03. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?: of course.
04. How about of the same sex?: definately (although at this time I haven't had to hit either).
05. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?: My sister I would assume.
06. Would you say that your easily angered?: it depends by whome.  Sometimes yes sometimes no.  Some people push my buttons faster.
07. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: I haven't so far, but I don't feel I've had anything really bad to be angry about yet.

S L O T H

What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?: clean my desk at work.

02. What is the latest you've ever woken up? i don't sleep in to easily, so maybe around noon.
03. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: My friend Einat in London.
05. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)?: thank God No.
06. When was the last time you got a good workout in?:  Today I ran for 3 miles, then played softball.
07. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: I don't like using my snooze button, besides I'm a morning person.

G L U T T O N Y

What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?: Chai Tea.

2. Dark meat?: Yes I prefer dark meat.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?: 7 drinks, but over many, many hours.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?: Yup Weight Watchers.  But even following all the rules, I didn't loose weight (my body just doesn't work that way).

5. Do you have an issue with your weight?: not really, only when I was younger and looked at magazines with 90 pound models.
6. Bad habits?:  procrastinating is probably my worst. 

7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH"?: God no, they're to cute to eat.

L U S T

01. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: I plead the fifth (actually it's just to personal a question). 
02. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: some answer as above.

03. Have you ever caught yurself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?:  yup. 

05. What are your favorite features on a person of your gender of choice?: hands, arms and chest. 

06. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?: um, yes (but it was in a foreign country).

G R E E D

01. How many credit cards do you own?: 2 (I only use one though).
02. What's your guilty pleasure store?: Nordstrom's Rack (or Nordstroms itself).
03. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?: travel, travel and travel.

04. Would you rather be rich, or famous?: rich
05. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?: maybe, but I wouldn't be able to do it for long (I would go crazy with boredom).
06. Have you ever stolen anything?: yes, when I was 12 I stole a cookie from the grocery store.

07. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?: none (I"m not that technologically advanced).

P R I D E
01. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of?: Worked hard, been a good friend.

02. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?: get a master's degree and buy a condo.
03. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?: balance and look back thinking I had a meaningful life.

04. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?: sometimes, I can be pretty competitave, but I let it go pretty quickly.

05. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?: no
06. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?: no

07. What did you do today that you're proud of?: Played decenty at softball (I didn't make a fool of myself).

E N V Y
01. What item (or person) of your friend's would you most want to have for your own?: her husband (not him exactly, just the idea - they fit each other perfectly).
02. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?: Dima, I could do wonders with his condo.
03. If you could be anyone else in the world who would you be?: Mmm, not an easy questions.  I'm still working on myeslf.

04. Have you ever been cheated on? Well sort of, I was only 11 but I guess that counts (sex wasn't involved though of course). 

05. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?: yup, probably my hips and legs (but I have to embrace myself, right?)

06. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?: natural flirtation. 
07. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey?: God no, it's to much work, I'd rather just steal it from others. 

I wanted to follow up on the story of the mom with Bipolar disorder whose baby was here at our hospital after birth.  The mom did eventually break down officially and was placed on a hold in one of San Diego's in-patient psychiatric locked facilities.  The baby went home to a foster home (a really nice lady who I have worked with before). The birth mom called me on the phone and I was able to get the name of the friend who is legally taking care of her older son.  I also got contact information for other family members and friends.  I passed this on to the CPS worker who told me the facility where the mother was before wouldn't give her any information and made if very difficult for her to talk with the mom.  So with this information the CPS worker will be able to look into moving the baby to a family member or friend (hopefully).  I am so happy that although this outcome is not complete at least it looks a lot better than it did a few weeks ago. 

 

In other news I am just plugging away at work.  I have to work New Years Eve and I am on call New Years day, so hopefully it remains quite.    

 

Well it is Christmas morning, and because I am Jewish I am sitting at home relaxing, but tired after a big dance party last night.  The plan for the day does include an annual Christmas lunch with my Jewish family at the beach.  Actually that is the beauty of living in San Diego.  Most families are usually having a Christmas lunch indoors around the tree, so the usually the warm and sunny beaches are empty - exept for some Jewish, Asian/Budist, and Hindu families.  It is quite funny actually.  But a great tradition. 

 

But I figured in the spirit of Christmas I will share one of my favorite Christmas memories which I believe pays homage to the spirit of Christmas, Friendship and the valueof openess and sharing.

 

When I was a young child, I don't remember how old - but I can't have been older than 5 or 6, my sister and I where best friends with our neighbors up the road.  I'll call them Hans and George.  Their mother was Swedish and their father British, hence the names.  As a side note George was my first crush/love, but i'll talk more about another time.  So anyway I remember we where bored and frustrated that morning because it was christmas morning, and Hans and George couldn't come out and play with us. Also in South Africa, unlike in America, everything was closed on Christmas, so there was absolutely nothing to do.  We didn't udnerstand exactly what was going on (I didn't know the details of Christian traditions in those days), but we did know it was Christmas and they had a tree with presents underneath.  At the age of 5/6 this did leave me a little envious.  But my sister and I kept ourselves busy and bickered/played in the back yard. 

 

At some point in the morning the boys snuck into our front yard and brought down one of their mother's house plants which looked like a mini Christmas tree, they also picked out some of our favorite shared toys (some from their yard and some from ours) and they wrapped them up in the wrapping paper they had ripped off their presents earlier in the day.  When my sister and I ran into the front yard (I don't remember why) we came across the tree, the presents, and our friends waiting to share the tradition with us.  All of us clambered in and started opening presents and I got to experience the fun of opening presents on Christmas.

 

I don't really miss or feel left out of the tradition of opening presents on Christmas because it is not my custom and tradition.  I know my religion has many customs and traditions which are special and meaningful to me.  But it was wondeful of my friends to share the experience with us, so that we know what they experience and what they believe in.  More importantly I will always know that Hans and George loved and cared about my sister and I (in a childish, friendship sort of way which is so special).  And they knew that the most important part of friendship is sharing and giving.  This I believe is part of the Spirit of Christmas and all religions.  They at the young age of 7 and 9 knew that it was much better to give and share than to get.  I will always remember running into the front yard and seeing them waiting with present.  Even though I don't have a christmas tree, and I really don't want one, I will always remember the thought and the spirit behind the day.

 

I hope all of my Christian friends out there in cyberland (and in whatever country you reside) are having a wonderful Christmas shared with family and giving/sharing.